My last day as a 30 year old
Well, today is my last day as a 30 year old. After tomorrow, I will officially be a thirty-something. Surprisingly I'm okay with it... well sort of... I've been feeling sluggish lately, but I suppose that's to do with running around after a very active one year old and my hormones going crazy. Sorry guys, you may want to skip down to the next paragraph... So I stopped breastfeeding twelve weeks ago tomorrow and in that time I've had five periods! FIVE! That's just not right! I'm either bleeding or pms-ing non stop, and I've packed on fifteen pounds to boot! Then my Dr. prescribed me a new bc pill, and it got lost along with another prescription for the man! So how am I coping with another birthday and killer ovaries? Ice cream of course. The husband man says we start dieting on Monday, so I had better enjoy it now. That means a lot of cake will be eaten in the next 72 hours. Why? Because I can. Sick huh? No wonder people hate Americans, they think we're all gluttons like me!
So I'm sitting in my office, with very little work to do, so I'm telling the world that I'm fat, and hormonal, and hungry, and scared. Yes scared. I'm scared that I'll fail again at keeping off the weight. I'm scared that if I don't lose the weight that my health will be at risk. I'm scared to set a bad example for my son. I'm scared of letting down my husband. The only thing that doesn't scare me is telling you all this. I figure, either you know me and will love me anyway, or you don't know me, and I'm not sure that you really care, so why should I?
So back to very little work to do... I work in Real Estate, and I love it. I really do. Is it the only thing I think I can do? No. But I enjoy helping people find the right home. I like that I have access to so much, and can use that access to help my friends and clients. I take pride in my responsibility, and that helps me sleep at night. Here's the problem. I'm starting to dislike my office a little more each day. There are some great people here, but there are also some real twats. There are days when I don't want to come into the office because I feel judged, and with the afore mentioned issues, I don't have the greatest confidence in my appearance at the moment... But I don't get things done at home with the baby. So what do I do?
I'm only 30 for eleven more hours, and I don't want to end this year feeling indecisive. I know that there is a very confident, strong woman inside of me, but right now I don't know where she is, and that stinks.
So this is me, soul searching, knowing that whatever answer I need can only come from within. Hoping that by sharing this info with all of you, I've opened a door for the universe to step in and say "Hey!".
Take care, and love yourselves no matter what... :)
So I'm sitting in my office, with very little work to do, so I'm telling the world that I'm fat, and hormonal, and hungry, and scared. Yes scared. I'm scared that I'll fail again at keeping off the weight. I'm scared that if I don't lose the weight that my health will be at risk. I'm scared to set a bad example for my son. I'm scared of letting down my husband. The only thing that doesn't scare me is telling you all this. I figure, either you know me and will love me anyway, or you don't know me, and I'm not sure that you really care, so why should I?
So back to very little work to do... I work in Real Estate, and I love it. I really do. Is it the only thing I think I can do? No. But I enjoy helping people find the right home. I like that I have access to so much, and can use that access to help my friends and clients. I take pride in my responsibility, and that helps me sleep at night. Here's the problem. I'm starting to dislike my office a little more each day. There are some great people here, but there are also some real twats. There are days when I don't want to come into the office because I feel judged, and with the afore mentioned issues, I don't have the greatest confidence in my appearance at the moment... But I don't get things done at home with the baby. So what do I do?
I'm only 30 for eleven more hours, and I don't want to end this year feeling indecisive. I know that there is a very confident, strong woman inside of me, but right now I don't know where she is, and that stinks.
So this is me, soul searching, knowing that whatever answer I need can only come from within. Hoping that by sharing this info with all of you, I've opened a door for the universe to step in and say "Hey!".
Take care, and love yourselves no matter what... :)
posted by spnstr @ 9:28 AM
3 Comments:
At 11:32 AM,
Bidipuce said…
Hey fellow girl in her 30s--you're beautiful! I've always thought so. Allow me to give you a map to the strong, confident woman inside you: Head toward the nearest mirror.
Know ya and love ya,
Teressa
At 5:32 PM,
spickydoo said…
okay..I know this feeling all too well. But, there is one person who knows the most beautiful parts of you at a level that even your closest friends, parents, siblings or husband will never know, the parts that leave the biggest impressions...the parts that TRULY matter in this vain, scrutinizing world. Your son. Right now, you are the sun, the moon and the stars to him. He loves you for you and not one skinny big-breasted bikini-clad whore holding a bottle filled with milk chocolate would make him want a different mama. WE ALL love you for being real and adorable and hilarious and gorgeous. Take a minute to see what he sees, and allow some of that deeply unconditional admiration for yourself. I'm sure that little boy would want you to feel it!
At 9:24 PM,
spnstr said…
Thank you both. I feel better already. I am very lucky to have such good friends.
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